Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
