I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
