U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
