Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
