Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
