I'm gonna have a badass scar
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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