Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
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it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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