i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
