The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't deserve a penis
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
