my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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