Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
