Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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