You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
