on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
