3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
