Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
