John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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