Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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