True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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