I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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