the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
