If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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