New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
