Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
