I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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