it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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