yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
