girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
