they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
