Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
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How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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