be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
