So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
