I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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