Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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