I have demons in me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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