So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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