I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize