The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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