Do you still have your period?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
