I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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