Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
