What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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