I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
