Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
