I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
