I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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