i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
