Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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