i think i have herpe
just one?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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