I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
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I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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