I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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