just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Randomize
