We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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