After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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