Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
