I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
