i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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