What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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