i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
