I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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