Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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