I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
