Just mADE A PArabola og urine
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
