I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
