i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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