Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
