Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
