how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
