I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize