Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
