i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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