i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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