once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
