When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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