She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
