i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
