My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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