There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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