He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
