she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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